One of the hardest things for any Christian in America to do is WAIT. I mean, we can get so many things so easily, and so quickly. From fast food, to television, to the internet, we are inundated with the expectation of instant gratification. It is what we have grown accustomed to, and so we feel entitled to it.
That’s why it is no surprise that we naturally rebel against all the waiting. But God asks us to wait for many things: For His help in our trials; for Him to move in great power; and among other things, His help in finding a mate. What a confusing and almost impossible reality for us to comprehend. And yet, when we trust God in each of these areas, His way always turns out best.
When it comes to dating, some of us combine our fast food cultural values with our anxiousness to fill an intimacy void, and out comes a very desperate person. Let’s just call this person a Desperate Hopeless Romantic… DHR for short. For those who have struggled with and even suffered from the DHR being awakened within you, please know that I have been in your shoes.
The DHR is often afraid of being alone forever. The Christian DHR wants to wait on the Lord but wrestles with whether He will actually grant them a mate. A Christian DHR can become trapped in forlorn seeking and grasping for what they are afraid of missing out on, that they miss out on the joy of Christ through this process. It is fear that feeds the DHR within us. So if you struggle with being a DHR in your dating life, I am writing this blog for you.
Four things I want to share with the DHR that may help in the waiting process:
1. Jesus loves us more than we can imagine. He desires us to find a greater joy than we can desire (John 15:11). But it is important that we recognize, it is only in Him that we find fulfillment. And when it comes to finding a mate, He has a plan, and is working it out. You don’t have to worry about it. Set your focus on Him. Pray about it, yes, and pray about it fervently. But do not worry about it. God will write your love story. Trust in Him who is able to do far more than we can ask or fathom (Ephesians 3:20). Put your life in His hands.
2. Take the focus off of self. One of the best ways to cure the DHR within is to immerse ourselves in the heart of God. Then, to take up the banner of His grace and go out serving our community and beyond so that His love may shine on all we come in contact with. When we take the focus off of our own wants, and set our eyes on the greater purpose of God, our perspective changes. And we see how many hurting people are out there. We refocus all that misplaced passion put into being a DHR, and put it into the joyous work of serving others for the sake of the Gospel.
3. When lonely, spend time with friends (of the same sex) who love Jesus. This is so important. Because many DHR’s run out desperately searching for a mate when they feel lonely. It’s like a reflex to the fear of being alone. But this will only cause more pain in the long run. Trust me. I’ve been there. As I said in a previous blog, when we compromise Mr or Mrs Right for Mr or Mrs Right Now, we only cause ourselves more pain in the big picture. So, instead of looking for love in the wrong places, spend more time with people that do love you but won’t take advantage of you. Ladies, spend time with your girlfriends, and guys spend time with your guys friends. This will curve the loneliness, and it will allow you to stay occupied.
4. When bored, invest in Christ-centered things instead of Me-Centered things. One of the easiest ways to wander into struggling hardcore with being a DHR is to get bored. Boredom tends to naturally lead to self-gratification. As people we’re prone to this. But one of the best things we can do when we recognize ourselves beginning to get bored is, find something Christ-centered to get involved in. And once again, take the focus off of self and put it on God.
Moral of the story: Seek God, trust God, look to God.
Make God and His purposes everything to you, and He will fill in the gaps until He provides a mate. Trust Him completely and the Desperate Hopeless Romantic inside will become a healthy Romantic. In the case of a Romantic who trusts God, He will write such a beautiful love story, and build a wondrous foundation of love into you and your mate. For when our marriages are built upon the Rock, they will not only last, but they will grow and thrive into what marriage is meant to be. And that is worth waiting for!